By Yetunde Arebi
Steve and Tomi has been dating for a couple of months. The chemistry between the duo had been so intense right from the go. As Tomi confided, she was completely swept off her feet by his gentleness, his deep mesmerising voice, his laughter and general body language, and most of all, wrapped in his arms, she felt like she’d entered a safe haven, like being swept into a warm, soft cuddle by a giant teddy bear.
Communication between them was also great, they could talk about almost anything and did appear to share similar views on most issues too. The sex was great too, however, it always failed to flip her to the other side. Plus her many personal demons acted as huge barriers. Not because he did not try but simply because Tomi failed to confide in Steve exactly what tickled her fancy.
Tomi’s self-inflicted dilemma mirrors the pitiable situation of the sex life of many women. It is no secret that many women find it difficult to initiate sex with their partners while some others think it absurd to tell their partners how and where they want to be touched even when their need for intimacy is so intense and obvious.
For most women, their attitude towards sex is shrouded in cultural beliefs, sexual orientation and personal experiences. Many studies have shown that though it is generally presumed that men have a stronger sex drive or need than women do, this is very wrong in most cases. The reason why men remain the sexual instigator isn’t just to do with desire.
Other factors attribute to it a great deal, many of which are quite obvious. A woman’s sexual need or openness about sex has a lot to do with her biological composition as well as her societal expectations. Women are likely to engage in more physical chores than men on a daily basis, contrary to what most men would, even in rural settings.
Combining normal housekeeping chores with caring for the kids and doing school runs as well as holding down a job or business is a whole lot of work for anyone on a daily basis. It should therefore be no surprise that sex would be on the average woman’s mind at the end of the day. Compared to a man who has engaged in a far less physically exhausting work for the day.
Besides, the fact that the sexual needs and satisfaction of most men are less technical and easily achievable, sex provides an easy outlet to ease tension and help them relax at the end of a long day. The same applies to women who have a fulfilled sex life.
Studies have also shown that hormones contribute to the influence of women’s libido, when it comes to sex. This means that ladies’ sex drive is less constant and they are likely to feel a lot sexy at a particular time, rather than all the time. This is because the biological composition of the female is wired in a way that her natural sexual drive complements her reproductive process.
This means that she is likely to feel the need to mate more with her partner at a certain period in her reproductive cycle, which is the ovulation period. For every female, human and animal, this is the period that conception takes place, thus the natural desire for mating is very intense at this time.
Again, women also tend to attach more emotions to sex. There is evidence that while men are aroused by the thought of sex, women are more aroused by sensation. This basically means we might be a bit lacklustre at the start but heat up nicely once things get going. If a man is patient and skilled enough to find the right buttons, no doubt, your woman will sing in “tongues” and praise you to the high heavens.
Interestingly though, ladies are not the pure, innocent, little creatures you think they are when it comes to sex. Women can be just as naughty and adventurous as men. In fact, a recent study proved that women are more aroused by explicit fantasies than romantic ones. Women have as much of a naughty wild side as men, but the cliché is that men are lights on, while women are lights off in the bedroom.
Sex is multidimensional and it is all about having a dimmer switch that goes from romance to raunchy. Things don’t have to be lovey dovey all of the time, sometimes fast and furious, quick and intense or hot and steamy is necessary to keep things spicy, an element of surprise to the works. The truth is every woman likes a man to be in control under the sheets. Essentially one who knows when to give and take, one who understands the game and is willing and prepared to play according to the rules.
I am almost certain that no one is in doubt that the male and female sexual systems are different any longer. Men get aroused much quicker and women take more time and just because he’s ready for sex does not mean she is. This is the single, biggest mistake even experienced male lovers make. Most of the time, men underestimate how long women take to orgasm.
While many men can climax in about two minutes or even less, ladies need time to get warmed up for sex so they are physically prepared for it. Adequate foreplay isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. Above all, women need to be more open and honest about their needs, it might just be all that its required to take your sexual experience to the next level. Tomi recently whispered to me that her giant finally found the right button!! Lucky girl!
Do have a wonderful Weekend!!